Disorientation

I have been home exactly fifty days today. And I can already say that I like living in other countries more than I like living in America. Which is weird because I have spent all of my life here. It has been hard I think to go back because it makes me feel like I just have to move on from that life and start a new one. It makes me feel like I am being forced to forget a year of my life. Which is hard because it has changed me it has shaped me and I would not be the same person if I didn't go. Going to college I kept telling myself that I don't need to tell people where I was for a year because I feel like I will be rubbing it into their faces or that no one will even care. I also feel different because I went on such a different path then all these other students here and no one really understands. And in many ways that has been true. Not many people care. And people do feel like they have to one up me and tell of all the countries that they have been to. And nobody really feels the same way I do. So I have been ashamed to tell people my story. But why? I want to be ordinary. I spent this year being so unordinary and foreign to a country and I think it shocked my senses. I even remember staying I am so excited to just be able to bend in when I go home. And that is horribly sad. Because that is not what I am meant to do and I should not hide who I am and what I have gone through because it is who I am. I want friends that accept me for me and not just half of me.
I think what is also hard is I can't carry over the culture I have learned. Yes in some aspects like internal things I have learned and skills I have learned but I am not able to talk Lao with people, I am not able to have Lao food. And it is killing me. I had searched for places in Denver, a restaurant, a church, anything that could connect me and found nothing. Then with high hopes I came to Chicago. Hoping to find a church, but I found none. I had found a Lao restaurant and was so excited so we went out to find and we were told it was no re owned by a Chinese family and now a Chinese restaurant.
It was heartbreaking. Even though I knew not to get my hopes up I did. This culture that has the most friendly the most accepting and loving people are so hard to find in this city! So I have been searching. I found a Lao Community Center that I will soon investigate.
But it's not just that, I am just saddened by the fact that Lao people are such a minority. Everywhere you look you can easily find a Vietnamese restaurant, a chinese restaurant and many other countries in South East Asia. But there are no Lao restaurants to be found. But more than that it is sad to me that yet again these people seem to be forgotten.
In an MCC debriefing session I remember someone saying the phases you go through coming home and how at first it is culture shock and then it is cultural disorientation. First coming there was definitely a culture shock. The food (cheese) was hard on my stomach, the stores are so big with so many things we don't need, the culture is so different, the people are so much louder and different. Everything was chaos those weeks. But now I can say I am at the stage of disorientation. Where I feel like I want to be set apart from these people and these customs and I would rather be in another country and I would rather have Lao food than any other food, and I crave to speak Lao more than speaking English. This disorientation is hard but it's worth it because I don't forget where I came from and where I have been but also the new person I am. If you know any Lao people in Chicago help me!
College is good but also hard because of the fast transition I had. I was home for a month and then left my parents again and now have to transition to a new home here. But I think I have done well. I have found good friends and started classes, joined gospel choir, signed up for east asia student association, joined discipleship, found my way around school and found a babysitting job and much more. So keep me in your prayers for this time of transitions and disorientation and college!

Things I am exited for.

I thought I would follow a post I made about the ten things I will miss from Laos with a post about the ten things I am most excited about when I return home. 

1. Family and friends

I am so excited to see my sisters and friends. Skype just isn't the same. I can't wait to just hang out and have summer.

2. My pets

I left when Henry was just a tiny little thing and now he is giant. I am excited also to meet our new addition to the family Red. And also cuddle with my fat cat. 

3. Food

Some of the few: Falafel, jamba, Subway, Coldstone, my moms potato soup and salads, breakfast food with my dad, Freddy's, Stake and Shake, Yogurtland, Noodles and Company and most of all MEXICAN food! 

4. Church

 Through I do enjoy time at church here in Laos, no matter how hard I try I get lost and can't understand. There is basically a whole other language at church and much that I don't know of. It will be so nice to be able to understand a church service and to know the songs and sing along. 

5. Cold weather

I have gotten use to the weather here and sometimes even enjoy the rain showers and hot. But in all honesty I like my snow and cold weather. I am excited for cold weather and wearing socks and jackets and scarves. It sounds silly but now that I have lived in this scorching hot climate I can't wait for the cold.

6. Colorado Mountains 

One thing I really miss is the mountains. Vientiane has no nothing and it's quite flat. So I am excited for the big Colorado mountains. I am also excited for hiking and the trees, I actually missed trees. My dad also said that we are going to Grand lake this summer which is my favorite town up in the mountain so I am excited about that!

7. School

  I am excited to be going to school. I am actually excited to study and meet new people and learn. 

8. Hot shower and a washing machine

I am excited for a hot shower and a washing machine. I have had maybe two hot showers this whole year which I mean most of the time I would rather have cold because its too hot anyway but I miss having a faucet and pressure and hot water coming out of  it. I am also excited for a washing machine my clothes have gotten a bit worn down and so I am excited to actually be able to wash my clothes. 

9. My bed

The beds here are not that horrible but just a little hard. I am excited for my soft bed. And not just that my room and the comfort of my old room.

10. My IPhone

This is bad and I shouldn't be excited but I am. I missed my IPhone and am exited to have it back. Kinda addicted but hopefully not to much. 

Fruitful future

I don't know why but I have spent so much time trying to write this. So I guess this is what if feels like? Almost 10 months away from my family and my home. I now can say many things that I wouldn't have been able to say before. I came this year searching for guidance and to see what I am going to do with my life. And I am no closer to finding it then I was ten months ago.
But one thing I am closer to is God. After all these months I now have realized that there is no point in searching and planning your future because God already has it planned for me. And this year all I was doing was accessing and analyzing everything I was feeling but not really feeling it. For almost the whole year I was just thinking about the future. And then I realized, When will I ever have these experiences again!? Stop it. And live and be in the moment.
At the beginning of year I had wrote things on my wall to remind myself to not do.

Things to remember:
-Join and be in community
-You are usable
-There is a cloud of witnesses before you
-You can do all things through God who strengthens you
-Don't be to hard on yourself and laugh
-The things you struggle with and who you are, are not the same thing
-See the good

And these things have continued to challenge me everyday.
I came with these ideas and all these goals to fulfill and those are important yes but what is more important is to live, to be, to serve and to love.
The thing that I have really taken away from this year is not the job I had or the experience of teaching. I will take away the moments where I was actually living. I tend to get hard on myself and I run back into my shell and of course this has happened this year. Instead of spending time with my family I read a book, instead of enjoying time with friends I stayed home alone, instead of staying positive I got hard on myself. Instead of leaning on God I leaned on myself.  And at those times I could have been loving and serving and living. This year I learned it is important to be to get involved to not always stay on the sidelines like I do. When I was in community, laughing and doing the spontaneous things that I never thought I would be doing, when I was serving without intentionally serving and loving even in the hard moments those were the times that mattered and that I will always remember. And the times that I leaned on myself are nothing compared to the times I trusted and was used by God. We are usable. Isn't that weird. I can be used by God. And so this year I think that is the most important thing I have learnt. We can live a life that can help change the world and we can do something more than just going to an average job. We can show love and we can serve the people of this earth and life will be so much better if we do. We can be used by God and can help heal the earth.
We had a training in Vietnam talking about serving and living out God's call. It really stuck with me.
A quote they had said also stuck out, " The act of doing something is powerful."
And I just thought about my time here in Laos and though I may not be doing much here, the act of coming and working and serving is powerful. We are doing something powerful by being and living, serving and loving in these communities.   I had been watching a video on my friends blog and it shared the verse:
“The only thing that matters is faith expressing itself through love.”

-	Galatians 5:6

And it's all to true for my life now and all that matters in the future. So what I will take away from this year is that I should never lean on my own and should always depend on God and not just that I should live and serve him because my life will be all the more fruitful for it.

Vietnam

Vietnam!
Sorry for my delay in posting I have been so busy this past month. Just to catch you up on these last few months. Just finished school and had vacation/training in Vietnam. These next few months I will be working around MCC teaching English a little and writing a sewing curriculm. Then my parents will be coming at the end of June! We will be going to Luang Prabang and I will be showing them around Vientiane. So exited to finally see them it's been almost 300 days!

Now to tell you about Vietnam:
We drove in a tiny little van cramped with 18 people for three whole days. It was a long trip but worth it!

We stayed with a super nice family and their house was nestled around mountains. Our first day we got to Nha Thrang at about two and then we sent to the beach and played. We got a giant mango that was about the size of my head.

On Monday we went island hopping. At the first island we snorkeled. It was amazing. I have always felt that snorkeling is something I wouldn't want to do but it was so much more fun than I thought it would be. You keep wanted to go back for more.

Lunch on the boat

The next island we went swimming.

The last island was an aquarium but we just had snacks at the restaurant there.

On Tuesday we had a training, about sharing the gospel and they talked about their program and what they were doing in Vietnam. After that we went shopping, they had a super nice mall and we had KFC!

On Wednesday we went shopping again at the street markets. After that we went to Vinpearl Amusement park. It was top notch. So nice and it felt like I was back in America. They have cable cars that take you to the Island of Vinpearl and they have rides and a water park and a light show we got to see.

Light Show

On Thursday we went back to the snorkeling island and spent some of the day there. I found some sharp coral and cut my foot but otherwise was unscathed. We then went to a crab farm and swam around. We then returned home and had a giant dinner. Crab, squid, shrimp and clams we had it all. We we're still full the next day.  On Friday we headed out on our long journey home. We made it home by late Saturday night.

Such a nice get away and time to relax from the hectic end of the school year.
Soon to be home and relaxing as well. Only 37 days left in Laos!
Will be leaving on the 17th of July and have 5 days of  re-orientation in Akron and then will be home!
Missing home and hope everyone is doing well.
Prayers for travel and easy transitions would be appreciated!

Chains

A year ago I was standing on a field in a purple robe and  throwing a graduation cap. Yesterday I was in a sihn and a flower pinned to my skirt. A year exactly has passed from graduating high school. Yesterday was a day for nostalgia not only because I graduated but also because my students graduated. That is funny to say because just a year ago I was a student and now I am teaching them. I have been in Laos for nine months and have gotten to know these wonderful people and now it is time to part. These  wonderful students have taught me so much, are such joys to teach and have made my time here is Laos the best it could be and I will miss them immensely.

Mee and Pha

Yai and Noy

Pou

Soukieng

Boua and Thoy

 I have recently been reading Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, I felt a necessity to start reading all the classics. There was this quote that has really been sticking with me:

"Imagine one selected day struck out of it, but think how different its course would have been. Pause and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day."

It really did make me pause and think about the chains that we create in our lives. The faithful day I decided to come to Laos and graduation and coming to Laos and the day I left my family. These chains have linked to so many things in my life. And thinking about graduation and how many chains this will cause in my students lives, the things that they have learned at ARDA have created links for their future already. Think about how different life would be if I went to school, if I chose a different chain? I am glad I chose this chain because I wouldn't change this experience for the world. Getting to know and love these students has truly made my year here. The experience I have had here hopefully in the future will create chains to come back to Laos. This  year I though would just be a nice time away to learn and grow and serve these people but in reality God is making chains for the future. When I first came I thought that I would be the one teaching but I have learnt so much for these students. So here is to the chains we create and to the future!

Things I will miss

It seems crazy to think that I only have about two more months in Laos! I am happy to be going home but also sad to say goodbye to this beautiful place. Here are my top ten things I will miss:

1. ARDA Skills.
My students, the staff, sewing class, dinner at skills, bible studies, English class, puppy, the Lor's. All of it I will miss so much.

2. Green Mangos
Green mangoes are my favorite snack. They are unripe and sometimes they can be sweet and sometimes sour. You dip them in jeo which is sauce and the sauce to the left is chili with sugar ( MSG too but I try to not admit that I eat it) and to the right is 'nam pha' which means fish water but it has squid juice, red peppers and other spices. Sounds kinda gross but it's actually good. At ARDA we have a mango tree so in April we had mangoes almost every day! The sad thing is there are no green mangoes in America so I will miss them quite a lot.




3. Jeo.
These are my two favorite foods in Laos. Jeo means sauce in Lao. To the left is eggplant and to the right is tomato. You dip these in sticky rice. We tend to have jeo everyday or maybe three times a week. There are many other types of jeo too but these are my favorite. I have even tried frog jeo and cricket jeo!




4. Kinley, Rachel, Crystal.
The girls that have become my family here. I will miss each one dearly.




5. Motorbike
I have actually gotten to enjoy going on my motorbike, though at first I was scared now it is nice to have freedom and explore the streets of Vientiane.



6. Nita students.
So cute and sometimes naughty I have enjoyed spending time with them and now that it's coming to the end I know that I will miss them. They keep asking me lately " Can I come back home with you?" It's so cute and breaks my heart.


7. MCC Staff.
Working and spending time with them has been so fun. I will miss staff meetings and all the time that I have gotten to spend time with them.



8. Host family
 All my cousins and aunts and uncles and especially Patty.



9. Vientiane/ all I have visited
I will miss the great city of Vientiane and all of Laos and it's beautiful countryside.





10.Friends
I have had the pleasure of meeting lots of friends in Laos and I will miss them quite a lot.





I read this quote that was talking about leaving a place and that it's true you that you will miss that place but you will also miss what you were doing and who you spent it with but you will also miss who you were at this time because another time like this will never happen again and the time you spend there is now a part of you. I have been thinking about this lately and finding it true that this is the only time in my life where this will be this and I can't come back here and it be all the same. It has seemed weird to me that life goes on in America and of course it does. I keep expecting life back in America to be the same but it won't be and so sometimes I get scared but in reality I shouldn't be scared. And plus I have already left there and have already moved on without even acknowledging it. So why would I have to worry? Why would I have to be scared when I have Jesus on my side and when I have already have done something much more scary. You see this is only the beginning of my life and I have so many adventures to live. So here is to one adventure ending and a new one starting. I'll miss you Laos!

Weeping

I had just spent the week out and about in Laos when I checked Facebook. I read all at once about a family friend Mark Breen had pasted away and the bombing in Massachusetts. And I couldn't help but cry. For these lives and these people and these families. Why heart goes out to Amy, Nic and Tushka and all the families that were affected. I watched Obama's speech and how he says,  

“Yes, we will find you,” he said. “And, yes, you will face justice. We will find you. We will hold you accountable, but, more than that, our fidelity to our way of life, to a free and open society, will only grow stronger — for God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity but one of power and love and self discipline, and every one of us stands with you." 

And it struck me how strange it is too have people who will stand with you. That we have a country that continues to fight for justice and are not afraid or timid of any power. That three people died and justice is served right away. Where else in the world can you say that?  Millions of people live in fear everyday and have no power and no justice. Even in Laos, people live in fear and are afraid of the government. People in Afghanistan live in constant fear everyday. To think the country suffered more than 15,00 incidents involving explosive devices (IEDs) in 2012 is outrageous. An article in the Washington post talked about: Afghans send sympathy and love to Boston, whose pain they know all to well.
(http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/worldviews/wp/2013/04/17/photos-afghans-send-sympathy-and-love-to-boston-whose-pain-they-know-all-too-well/) 

 “Every time I hear about attacks happening,” she said, “whether it’s in the United States, Pakistan, England or here, I became too sad. All those people had hopes and dreams for their futures. Their parents had hopes and dreams for their futures. It doesn't matter that we experience this more often here. No one should experience any of it ever. It’s always the innocent who suffer.” -Frozan Rahmani

This is how people should respond. We can weep and we can say that we live in a cruel world. And we can seek justice and peace. But not an eye for an eye . We are continuing to put more and more evil and ugly  into the world. Why are you teaching us it's okay to kill people and it's okay to fight fire with fire? Why are we continuing to do what we always do? We all know it hasn't been working. We should we working towards peace, towards respect and love. We should be standing with people.

A friend of mine said this: 

"President Obama continues to defend US drone policy as an effective and "ethical" way to fight terrorism. I ask: what is the ethical difference between the innocent lives lost as the result of a bomb in Boston and the innocent lives lost as collateral damage from U.S. counter terrorism policies? 

There are many ways to fight terrorism effectively and peacefully, including educating and empowering women, working to end poverty and support economic growth, and putting an end to the hypocrisy, extremism, and religious intolerance that exists within our own country. But none of these efforts towards peace will be taken seriously if U.S. drone strikes continue to claim innocent lives and spread fear for civilians in Pakistan, in Yemen, and in Somalia."


I weep for the life of Mark Breen and for these families that have lost the ones they love and the millions of others that have lost their lives.  I hope their memories are honored and I praise Jesus that there is no more suffering and no more pain. Our lives are short so why prolong the pain and suffering?  Instead lets show love and compassion and peace. 

"Let us not use bombs and guns to overcome the world. Let us use love and compassion. Peace begins with a smile. Smile five times a day at someone you don't really want to smile at; do it for peace. Let us radiate the peace of God and so light His light and extinguish in the world and in the hearts of all men all hatred and love for power." -Mother Teresa

Nineteen.

It seems weird to think that I am nineteen. It seems weird to think that that is the age that I really am.It seems to me that nineteen is something others think I am not as well. It's common in Laos to lie about your age. So I thought I would follow along with everyone else and say I was older than I am. But the thing is I feel much older than I am. Laos instilled in me many responsibilities and in a way made me grow up. But in another ways Laos gave me all these opportunities to have made me feel like I am much older. The life I have lived so far has been nothing less then adventurous. I have seen more then most and for that I feel older and also grateful. But in reality I am nineteen. I do have many responsibilities and I also do have a lot of life to live. But also a lot to learn. To think last year on my birthday, I was in California with my family. I had little knowledge of what I was going to be doing in a year. I was thinking about college and about what to do with my life and now where am I but in Laos. It seems like a lifetime ago that I was in America. Especially in times like birthdays and holiday's to be so far away from my family. I dream of the days when I can hug my mom and dad and laugh with my sisters and hang out with my friends. I dream of  jamba juice and the falafel and mexican food. And I can't wait for the days that those dreams will come true. But then I think of about....What about a year from now? I'll be dreaming about the hug from my friends and the high pitches laughing of my students. I'll dream about all the Sabaidee's and Phop gawn mai's (Hello and see you later in Lao) I'll dream about the sticky rice and green mango's and lao food. And those dreams will take a long time to come true if they ever will. It seems outrageous that there is only four more months in Laos. How the time flies. How the times flies and then you realize that you are only nineteen and have lots of life to live. And what a joy that is.

Lucky

Recent events:
- I got my kitten stolen by Vietnamese people
-I got new kittens
-Bringing my new kittens home I got a dog bite
-My new kittens are crazy
-I told my mom I got a dog bite
-My mom freaked out
- Chaos rained down
- My dog bite started turning green and got a little swolen
-I deduced I should go to the doctor
-I freaked out that I might have rabies
-I went to the doctor
-I don't have rabies.


  But the thing is that here in Laos if you do get bite by a dog it's no little thing and rabies are something that people here can die from.
  I could have died too, but I had medical attention and good medical attention.
  One day a ARDA one of the girls had a stomach ache. She had eaten payapa salad (which is pretty hard on your digestion, I would know I've gotten sick from it) and also pepsi. All the forgieners instanly thought oh it's just heartburn, but to the girls it was way more. She was rushed to the hospital and many of the girls were so worried that they cried. Going to the hospital is very serious here, due to the fact that the medical care for patients is not very good. For example my Lao grandmother. When I first came to Laos she was talking and walking and healthy, about two months later she was very ill she couldn't walk and talk and she was taken to the hospital multiple times. They ran tests and found that she had cancer. Then a couple weeks later she went back to the hospital and they said it was actually just an upset stomach. An upset stomach was highly unplausible due to the fact that she was close to death. And that is when I realized that the hospitals are trying but have now idea. Now to my point. I am truely so lucky to have health care and not be afraid when something happens because I have doctor and knowledgable people all around me. Where here the reality of getting sick might cause death. It again reminds me off how lucky we are in America.
This past week I read a book called Conflict by Nelson Rand, which talked about his experiences in south east asia as a journalist and seeing all the conflicts it holds. I hadn't even realized in the place I traveled to that there was so much conflict. Where we learn about World War 2 and all the horrors that happened there we don't even know of the horrible holocaust in Cambodia and the millions killed by the Khmer Rouge. In Laos hundreds of Hmong men were still fighting a war that was supposed to be finished almost fourty years before. In Thailand many were killed just for their race. It just amazes me the things we don't know and what we take for granted. While I was eating mac and cheese, Hmong families were eating tree pulp to stay alive. I am so lucky. I am also so thankful that I have a home and a family and a safe place to live with food and water. Where many families have no homes, no families and are never in a safe place and have to fight for their lives and even the food they eat. I recommend you read that book. It just shows how much we have to be thankful for. But also something to strive for to give back to others.
   The reality that I have a comfortable life back in America just keeps me accountable to what I am meant to do here. Millions of people don't have that reality. And it just reminds me that those millions of people are happy anyway. In the book it talks about how even in all their turmoil they still smiled and continued to strive for their freedom. The reality that we can be happy anywhere is something to also remember.
Things to remember: You are lucky, you can be happy anywhere and watch out for rabid dogs.

ARDA Skills

ARDA Skills 

Though I haven't talked about them very much I should because they are wonderful people and it is a wonderful place. Being there for about four months I have found wonderful friends and it has been a joy working there. Let me introduce the staff to you:

Anna and their youngest Simon

Kipp

Kipp and Anna:

Kipp is the director of skills and we have found that we are similar in many ways. He is from Colorado! And we have the same birthday! He and his wife share the same love of coffee as me. Anna is Kipp's wife and she went to North Park University the same place I am going! They have five children: Josiah, Asia, Levi, Kian and Simon. It has been wonderful to get to know their family and they have taken me under the wing.

Jaime teaching her business class 

 Jaime:

Jaime teaches business class and we teach English together this semester. It has been nice to have someone that is learning about Lao together and we can both struggle with language together. She has become a great friend this semester and been quite helpful.

 Heuang:

Heuang taught the cooking class last semester and she as well has become a good friend. Heuang has a loud laugh and she always makes me laugh. This semester she is helping around the office and so she has been helping me finish the skills cookbook to later give to the students as well as sell.

 Joy:

Joy is the administrative staff and as well teaches childcare and cleaning. She is also quite funny and her most recognizable quality is her fast speaking.

 Justin:

Justin teaches computers and auto shop as well he helps in the electricity class. Justin is also spirited and when with Subin it becomes chaos.

 Subin:

Subin is the translator and teaches the computer class with Justin. He has had a lot of work on his hands because of all of the American staff need lots of translating. The best way to describe Subin would be to call him blonde. He is quite gullible and that makes him all the more funny.

Pem and Tian:

Pem helps me in my sewing class and is wonderful at sewing as well as helping translate. In the future I will hand over the class to her and she will then teach sewing. She is also quite funny and makes me laugh with her learning English. She has been a joy to work with and it is good spending time with her. Tian is Pem's husband and he teaches the electricity class and helps in auto among other things.

English class

Some of the students

The students:

I teach all twelve of the girls for sewing. The girls names are Mee, Pha, Noy, Thoy, Boua, Sara, Souk hieng, Da, Nang, Pou, Melia and Yai. For English I teach the student leaders we call them the four. Which is Mee, Long, Tola and Se. In the class we have six students Ja, Koua, Pou, Noy, Boua and Thoy.

On Thursdays I teach sewing from 8-12

On Fridays I teach sewing from 8-10 and English from 10:10- 12

Hope that gives you more insight to my enjoyable time at ARDA Skills.  

We had a watermelon eating contest and Kipp though it would be funny to add some chicken on top. It surprised me.

Mee and Pha asking questions about the sewing machine

Watermelon eating contest next to me is Pem 

Me and Yai we had a game night at the Mekong